Category: Life Update

My First Internet Death Threat (Trigger Warning)

Trigger warning: Violence against women, homophobia and fat-shaming.

Friday morning I woke up to find I’d received my first internet death threat. It was in response to my blog post about accountability. I’m posting the contents of the entire message below so that others have an idea of the kind garbage others and I have to endure when we choose to speak on social justice issues.

Unfortunately, the commenter was used an IP anonymizer, so there is no way to determine their identity. Is it a colleague or a total stranger? There’s no way to know.

Here’s the comment. Consider the trigger warning above before you decide whether or not to read on.

Jesus stop whining you stupid dyke. No one gives a shit what you think, and if you keep attention whoring like this you’re going to end up with your fat throat slit if one of us can manage to find a knife deep enough to penetrate your layers of blubber.

Point is, you’re just a useless, loudmouthed lesbian. Personally, I think you should consider leaving Mozilla or better yet do the world (and your parents) a favor and kill yourself already. You’re worthless fat waste of space and posting this garbage does nothing to promote Mozilla’s image. Grab an ounce of self-worth and delete your shitty blog, cunt.

I’ve known for a long time that those who speak out about anti-oppression and other social justice issues receive death threats. I now know first-hand how unsettling it is to be on the receiving end of such threats. It’s made me re-think my habit of checking email first thing in the morning before I’m fully awake an functional. What it hasn’t done is discouraged me from talking about these issues. If anything, being the target of such speech is just a reminder about how important it is for those of us in marginalized groups to be visible and to be heard when we feel we are able to do so.

Update 8 October 12:19: A couple of people have asked me to post the email headers and IP address of the person who left the comment. Unfortunately, it was left as a comment via WordPress so I don’t have email headers. What I do have is the IP address and reverse lookup as captured by Apache and WordPress software: IP: 31.172.30.1, tor18.anonymizer.ccc.de. It’s my understanding that there is no way to track the identity of someone who has used Tor, but I’m happy to share my Apache logs with anyone who thinks they might be able to get some more info from them. Also, the person gave the email address “kelly.rutherford@gmail.com,” but I assume that is not their own because why use Tor and then give your real email?

O’Reilly Open Source Award

O'Reilly Open Source Award

Last Friday I was presented with an O’Reilly Open Source Award. The award recognizes  “individual contributors who have demonstrated exceptional leadership, creativity, and collaboration in the development of Open Source Software.” Wikipedia has a list of previous winners.

Not only did I get the very awesome sharpie-enscribed lightbulb award you see above, but I also received my very own Eggbot! The Eggbot is an open source CNC artbot and was used to create the awards.

I’m honored to be recognized by O’Reilly for my work getting people involved in in Open Source through events like BarCamp Portland and Open Source Bridge via my governance of Stumptown Syndicate.

However, these efforts are by no means singular. The projects I’m involved in are successful because of the awesome people that choose to volunteer their time to help make them a reality. I would have liked to be able to recognize a dozen or more people on stage with me last Friday. Thank you Audrey Eschright, Reid Beels, Jim Eastman, Kirsten Comandich, Amy Farrell, Chris McCraw, Igal Koshevoy, and Melissa Chavez for working with me on these projects year after year. And, thank you to my lovely wife Sherri Montgomery for supporting my work and joining in herself.

If you’re curious what Edd and Sarah said about me, check out the video here:

I feel as if my work in open source and free culture is just beginning. There is so much more to do. If you’d like to join me, get in touch!

 

At OSCON All Next Week

I’ll be at OSCON all next week. I’m very much looking forward to giving our workshop, Event Planning for Geeks. And, it’s on the first day of the conference, which means once we’re done, I get to relax and just enjoy the rest of the conference. Oh, what a nice break it will be to simply attend an event, rather than be one of the organizers.

If you’re planning to attend, and would like to connect, please do get in touch. You can find my info in the attendee directory.

Also, be sure to stop by the non-profit pavilion of the Expo Hall, where the Stumptown Syndicate will have a booth.

The Expo hall is open during the following times:

  • Tuesday, 7/17: 5:00pm – 6:00pm (Opening Reception)
  • Wednesday, 7/18: 10:00am 4:30pm, 5:40pm – 7:00pm (Booth Crawl)
  • Thursday, 7/19: 10:00am – 5:00pm

If you don’t already have a ticket for OSCON, use the code OS12FOS for a 20% discount, or register for a free Expo hall pass.

And, we’re still looking for a few volunteers to help staff our booth. If you’re interested in helping for an hour or two, let me know.

Oh, and will also attend at least part of this weekend’s Community Leadership Summit.

Thoughts for Year 32

Celebrating the start of year 32
Celebrating the start of year 32

I have to say, life right now is pretty good. I’m spending my birthday weekend in one of the most beautiful areas of the country, with my lovely wife, and our awesome dog. Last night we celebrated by sharing a vegan chocolate mini cake we happened to find at the Whole Foods here. We both have steady incomes, and a home we own. Materially, we want for very little.

Around each of these last few birthdays — probably since I turned 30 — some part of me feels very amazed that I am still alive, that I’ve lived to be this old.

But here I am. And I’m thankful for that.

So what do I hope the next year to be like?

I want to get my asthma under control. I’m tired of coughing all of the time. I’m tired of not sleeping through the night. I miss biking and running and strenuous physical activity.

I want to find another house for us to live in. One that provides more room, where Sherri’s mom can come live with us and where we can control the environmental allergens better (allergies to dust mites and soil mold are the main cause of my asthma).

I want to continue working on the Stumptown Syndicate activities I love, including Open Source Bridge and BarCamp. We’ve made a lot of progress this year, and I think we can make even more progress during the next.

Lastly, I want to have more adventures this year. Admittedly, Sherri and I both work too much. Between our full time tech jobs and our community work, we hardly take any time off. I’d like to work on changing this and I’d like to do so by exploring more of the beautiful Pacific Northwest and by taking a more extended vacation. We’ve been brainstorming ideas, but haven’t settled on anything yet. A vegan cruise. An Alaskan cruise. Driving through the Southwest to the Grand Canyon. Returning to see more of Hawaii.

I think this next year is going to be a good one.

My Mom is Gonna Rock the Vagina Monologues

You heard that right, my Mom is going to rock the Vagina Monologues next week in Sacramento.

I don’t write a lot about my mom here. My father, being the more notorious parent, seems to take up more space. However, I should work on that because my mom is a smart and resourceful women and I feel incredibly grateful that she’s a part of my life.

One thing that tickles me about the Vagina Monologues event in Sacramento is that it’s a fund-raiser for a handful or organizations, including WEAVE. WEAVE stands for Women Escaping a Violent Environment and it’s the organization that helped my mom leave my abusive father over a decade ago. What a cool way for her to give a little something back to a group that helped her and to bookend two parts of her life (beginning life away from my dad, and beginning retirement).

Thank you WEAVE for helping my mom and us all those years ago, and thank you mom for being you!

Mom and Chris

And, if you’re going to be in Sacramento next Satruday, 4/14, go buy tickets for the Vagina Monologues!

Quick Note About BarCamp and Burnout

BarCamp 6 Kick-off
Excited BarCamp attendees during kick-off session. Photo by www.cesarpinera.com.

I’ve been feeling really burnt out and for several weeks, if not months. In fact, it’s been a tough couple of years: job changes, marriage, family crises, health challenges. In other words, Sherri and I are going through a bunch of life crap just like everybody else is.

Lately I’d started questioning why I was spending so much time on my unpaid community work. I spend upwards of 20 hours a week organizing events and running our new non-profit, the Stumptown Syndicate. And I’d been feeling as if no one was noticing our work, no progress was being made and I was just getting more and more worn down.

And then we had a BarCamp. And I was reminded why I do all of it.

Because I get to work with talented, dedicated organizers and volunteers.

Because I get to help facilitate conversations about lock-picking, maps, 3d printing, working in tech, teaching code, writing interactive fiction, building distributed systems, graph theory, letterboxing, fiber arts, applying martial arts philosophy to every day life, and more!

Because attendees care enough to come up to us and say things like:

“Portland BarCamp 2012 is one of the best Barcamp experiences I ever had. Kudos to the Stumptown Syndicate for their amazing production team.”

Because I get to see faces like the ones in the above photo: engaged, alert and happy.

So, thank you again everyone who helped with this year’s BarCamp. Because of your contributions I feel a bit more energized and I know that people are paying attention and do appreciate the work that we do.

I feel privileged to be part of our awesome community.

No Way to Say Goodbye

Christie and Dad, circa 1983
My father and I, circa 1983. That's Mr. Bear in the background.

This Spring marks a decade since I last saw my father. We didn’t speak and he didn’t actually acknowledge my presence, but I know he saw me in the courtroom because his public defender requested that the judge have me removed as a potential witness. The judge denied this request, and I stayed to watch the rest of my father’s arraignment. If you’re curious why my father was in court, watch this video, or read this article.

I don’t actually recall when my father and I last spoke. To the best of my recollection, it was sometime in 2000. We had on-again off-again communication while I was in college, but at some point I decided that a continued relationship with him was just not a healthy thing for me and distanced myself quite a bit.

Last night one of my brothers called and told me he’d just found out that our father had a heart attack the week prior, had been in the hospital for a few days and was now released. My brother didn’t have any specific information about our father’s condition other than that he had collapse while running errands and had woken up in the hospital.

It’s very difficult for me to imagine my father collapsing and being in the hospital. Logically and factually, it’s not surprising that had had a heart attack. We’re talking about a man who has seen a doctor a handful of times in his life (that I know about), smoked for decades, ate a very unhealthful diet and did amphetamines. In many ways, I’m surprised he hasn’t had more significant health issues. However, my mental and emotional memory of him is dominated by a single image: lean, mean, angry and muscular, albeit with a slight lilt from a bad back. It’s just weird to think of him as being old and frail and in ill health. But that seems to be where we are headed.

Aging is a normal process, of course, but it’s unsettling when it’s happening to a parent and even more strange when it happens to a parent with whom you’re estranged. I find myself wondering if I’m going to get to say my final goodbyes, or if I will simply hear about his passing sometime after it happens. Should I attempt to make a kind of peace with him, or with myself about him, sooner rather than later? The answers to these questions seem unknowable.

 

Joining Mozilla

Today is my last working day at ShopIgniter. After a two week break, I will join the Web Development team at Mozilla as a Web Product Engineer.

I’m thrilled to be joining Mozilla and to be help to contribute to its mission to “promote openness, innovation and opportunity on the web.” I will continue to be based in Portland (where Mozilla already has several remote employees) but will travel to Mt. View, where Mozilla is headquartered, as needed. My involvement in the Portland tech community will continue.

To understand a bit more why I’m so excited to be joining Mozilla, check out Pragmatic growth: from 2 to 40 in 4 years, and then watch the video What do you want the web to be?

Thank you to all my co-workers at ShopIgniter. I’ve enjoyed working with you all over the last year and a half. I look forward to hearing about ShopIgniter’s continued success and hope to see you around Portland.