Category: Long Thought

A longer thought.

Vegan is More than a Strange Diet: An Open Letter to My (Buddhist) Community and Beyond

I recently attended a fundraising dinner for the Heart of Wisdom Zen Temple, which will become my Buddhist community’s downtown center. We currently offer a program in Portland in a space we rent from another Zen group. We have grown sufficiently over the last couple of years such that it’s time to purchase a building of our own. During that time, we’ve produced a number of fundraising events, including classes, guest speakers and workshops. The latest of these activities was a dinner hosted by a new, hip restaurant and prepared by a well-known local chef who donated his time to our cause.

The dinner went incredibly well. The food was well-received. The decor was elegant. We raised a lot of money (an impressive amount, actually).

But as the night went on, I became increasingly uncomfortable with the fact that the meal served was not vegan (it was vegetarian). In fact, at first my partner and I were informed that there wasn’t going to be a vegan option available at the dinner. At the last minute, the organizers we able to work something out and we were accommodated with vegan-ize versions of the meals served to everyone. For the entree, this meant risotto prepared without the cheese and butter. For dessert we received a plate of berries in syrup without the shortcake and whipped cream that accompanied everyone else’s meal.

While I appreciate the effort that went in to the preparation of the meal, and to the event as a whole, it was actually disheartening to me that we were “accommodated” in the manner that we were. There’s no reason we needed to be accommodated at all. The meal we were served could have been prepared, with marginal extra effort, entirely vegan. It simply wasn’t considered or asked for until we raised the issue (too close to the event, I suspect, for an entire vegan meal to be planned for and prepared).

Being vegan for me isn’t a strange or special diet. It’s a way of living. It’s deeply rooted in my spirituality and ethics. It’s integral to how I mindfully uphold the precepts. In fact, to me, eating meat, dairy and eggs, as well as consuming other animal products goes directly against the first three precepts (not harming, not stealing, not misusing sexuality).

So, as the meal went on, it was increasingly difficult for me to participate whole-heartedly given the dairy and eggs we were being served. Our teacher led us in two mindful eating exercises during the meal. One was to focus on an ingredient in the food in front of us and imagine the complete journey of how that ingredient came to be on our plate. I couldn’t stop thinking about the cows who provided the milk for the whipped cream. I couldn’t help but think that we’re having this meal to fund our new Zen temple and that it will be in part founded upon preventable, needless abuse and suffering.

There should always be a vegan option at these community gatherings. In fact, there is no good reason why all meals served by my Buddhist community shouldn’t be vegan. There is precedent for this. A visiting teacher recently hosted a retreat at our monastery and requested that meals be vegan. The monastery was able to provide these meals. It was simply a matter of being required to do so.

In 2007, Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh directed the monasteries and practice centers of his order to become vegan, saying:

“Being vegetarian here also means that we do not consume dairy and egg products, because they are products of the meat industry.”

(You can read the entire letter on the Plum Village site.)

Yes, dairy and eggs are products of the meat industry. In terms of the suffering and abuse of animals, you cannot distinguish between meat and eggs/dairy. Dairy cows are sold for meat after they stop producing. They repeatedly give birth to calves who are stolen away from them and either slaughtered for meat or raised for further dairy production. I could go on and on, but there are better resources out there to explain horrors and unethical practices of the dairy/egg industries.

Because they cannot talk to us in language we can readily understand, it may be difficult to contemplate that animals are indeed sentient. But they are. Anyone who has cared for a companion animal knows that they experience sensation. A cow, chicken or goat is no different than your family cat or dog in this regard. Think of the last time you cringed when someone mentioning dog or cat being prepared for food in Vietnam.

Once we accept animals as sentient beings, we Buddhists must use the precepts as a guide in our relationship with animals.

The first precept of non-harming says:

“I will be mindful and reverential with all life, I will not be violent nor will I kill.
Avoid killing or harming any living being.
I undertake the precept to refrain from destroying living creatures.
I shall endeavor to protect and take care of all living creatures.
Do not do harm to other beings.”

In this precept it’s obvious that we shouldn’t eat meat. Meat requires the killing of animals. But so does the consumption of dairy and eggs given the structure of our agriculture and food distribution system.

The second precept of not stealing says:

“I will respect the property of others, I will not steal.
Avoid stealing. Do not take what is not yours to take.
I undertake the precept to refrain from taking that which is not given.
Live simply and frugally.”

Animals do not give us milk and eggs. We take these things from them. Under normal and typical circumstances we do not need eggs or dairy to live. They are a decadence take at the great expense and harm of other creatures.

The third precept of not misusing sexuality says:

“I will be conscious and loving in my relationships, I will not give way to lust.
Avoid sexual irresponsibility.
I undertake the precept to refrain from improper sexual activity.
Do not engage in sexual misconduct.”

This precept does not normally arise in the discussions of whether or not one should be vegan. But I think it’s essential. Dairy and egg production necessitates the abuse of the sexuality of other creatures. For example, to produce milk, cows are kept in an artificial state of pregnancy and are forced to reproduce over and over again.

On top of all the ethical reasons listed above, meat and dairy production is incredible harmful to the environment. 18% of greenhouse gasses are produced via cattle production. Every year tons and tons of grain is fed to livestock when it could be distrubuted to needy and hungry families across the globe.

Plus eating meat and dairy is just plain bad for you. The two countries with the highest dairy consumption (US and Sweden) also have the greatest occurrence of osteoporosis. Preventable cardiavascular disease acquired through the consumption of animal products is a leading cause of death and also a tremendous burden on our healthcare system.

Becoming vegan isn’t inherently difficult. It’s simply of recognizing our ingrained habits and vowing to break those habits. There’s absolutely no reason delicious, nutritious meals, including baked goods and pastries can’t be prepared without animal ingredients. Medically, there are minuscule, if any reasons why someone could not sustain a healthful vegan diet. Hypoglycemia, diabetes, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, different allergies, and many other special health needs can all be supported by a vegan diet. If you don’t know how, you can find a vegan nutritionist.

The greatest obstacle to becoming vegan is that it isn’t mainstream. This means that you’ll have to explain your dietary decisions to people. You might have to refrain from eating treats at a group celebration. You will have to make choices about where you eat out. Sometimes you will be left out of a celebration.

But you know what? If everyone were vegan, or even half, none of the above problems would exist. Vegan diets would be normal and perfectly included.

So I’m issuing a challenge to my Buddhist community and beyond: Go vegan today.

That’s right, just do it. Stop eating meat, cheese, other dairy and eggs. Right now. If you need help, let me know and I’ll be more than happy to lend a hand. I’ll even cook you dinner. I’ll lend you cookbooks and send you recipes.

Atari the Wonder Cat

Cat in a Box

Atari, my cat, passed away this afternoon shortly before 4pm. He was young, only 7. Sherri and I made the hard decision to euthanize him two days ago, after a few agonizing weeks of consideration.

For the last four years, Atari had chronic lower urinary tract issues, which continued to worsen over time and never really stabilized. Treating these issues involved many trips to the vet, invasive procedures, a major surgery, and a near constant regimen of anti-anxiety and pain medication, steroids and antibiotics. Recently Atari began to show signs of diabetes. In addition, he’d grown increasingly fearful of being treated at the vet and at home, to the point of displaying significant aggression. During the last couple of weeks I had to face the difficult truth that no amount of care was going to make Atari well and that it was time to let go, time to let him be at ease. I spoke with the vet at length on Wednesday and she agreed that I was making a good decision.

Atari was a great cat, despite all of his medical issues. He gave the most wonderful cat kisses. He’d nuzzle your face repeatedly and even on command. When you pet him he purred and drooled profusely. One of his favorite toys were those plastic jelly bracelets. He loved to play catch with them and chase after the ones that rolled by him. Sometimes he’d fetch one and bring it to you, especially if you hadn’t been paying attention to him. He talked all the time. When he wanted something or just to greet you. He spoke back if you spoke to him. He had a couple of nicknames: Atari the Wonder Cat, Mr. Meowgi, Baron von Wineypuss (or simply, the Baron), Mr. Stripey.

Atari came to me in 2003 when he was just about a year old. He was my companion through some very difficult occasions, including a divorce and the death of my grandmother. Together we moved 11 times, across 5 counties and two states. I am ever grateful for the time we spent together. I’m grateful that I was able to be with him until the very end. To pet him and lay down with him just one last time, give him those final kisses and watch him slip peacefully away.

There’s a verse from the Diamond Sutra that I’ve been reading to myself all day:

A star at dawn,
a bubble in a stream,
A flash of lightning in a summer cloud,
A flickering lamp, a phantom, and a dream.
So is this fleeting world.

With this I am reminded that as life is impermanent, so too is my grief. Even in my grief I feel a great sense of relief and peace that Atari will no longer suffer.

Thanks to everyone who has messaged and called me with condolences, best wishes and kind words. I’ve felt the healing energy of your thoughts all evening.

Also many thanks to North Portland Veterinary Hospital, who’s entire staff treated us with great compassion.

So Much Happening in June

Whoa, so the calendar turned over to June and my list of events and todos exploded. Below are some of the things Sherri and I have in the hopper for this month.

(And, yes, I’m referencing my Google Calendar as I write this post. It’s the only way I manage to keep track of everything.)

Open Source Bridge

The Open Source Bridge conference is third week of June and I’m participating in a number of ways. First, I’m speaking. My two talks are titled: Open Source Tools for Freelancers and Re-Factor Your Brain: Meditation for Geeks. Though I have no idea what to expect, I’m excited about giving both of these talks. I love sharing what I know with others, particularly when I’m sharing information that has really helped me. The second talk on meditation is one of the early evening sessions and I’m not sure what the turn out will be. But then I think it doesn’t matter. If only a few folks show up, I’ll have an opportunity to have an even more direct, intimate experience with those people.

In addition to my speaker and attendee role, I’m serving as on-site volunteer coordinator for the conference. This means recruiting and organizing volunteers ahead of the conference and then managing them on-site during the conference. We had a volunteer orientation tonight which was well attended. Tomorrow I’ll be wrangling even more volunteer’s during Lunch 2.0.

Friends and Family

Two really good college friends and one of my brothers are visiting from California at the same time during the second week of June. I’ve seen all three of these people since moving to Portland in 2007, but this will be their first visit here to see me. It’s been hard to live so far from my family and close friends. I’m very much looking forward to seeing everyone and sharing Portland with them. Sherri and I still have boxes everywhere that we have to deal with, but we’re happy to be able to provide a comfy place to stay.

Zen Community Stuff

Originally I had planned to attend my first Beginner’s Mind Retreat this month at Great Vow Zen Monastery. However, once the events and family visits started to pile up, I made the tough decision to postpone until early Fall. But there’s still plenty of ZCO things going on in addition to our weekly group meditation and dharma talks. I’ve been working on a new website for ZCO which we’re hoping to launch this month or early next (after some delay due to me being sick and moving). In addition, we’re having a founder’s dinner and benefit for Heart of Wisdom Zen Temple on June 21st. Heart of Wisdom Zen Temple will be our Portland center. We’ve outgrown the space we share with Dharma Rain at the Portland Dharma Center, so we’re avidly looking for an appropriate property (and avidly raising money for the purchase said property).

Birthday and Sacramento Trip

My birthday is in the fourth week of June. I haven’t quite decided how I would like to celebrate. Traditionally I take a trip for my birthday, which Sherri and I are doing. My birthday falls in the middle of the week, so we’re going to Sacramento to visit with my folks the weekend directly following. I’ve thought about seeing Rent, which is in town for just that week. Or having a dinner out. I’m still undecided.

I’m not looking forward to visiting Sacramento during the summer when it’s sure to be sweltering. But, it will be nice to see my mother and step-father and to show Sherri around a bit. We’re probably going to take a mini trip to Davis (my alma mater) show I can show her the campus and the town. We might even do the farmer’s market thing.

Other Events

There are a few other events that I’d like to attend, if possible: Northwest Pride on June 13th and 14th; the Portland Buddhist Festival, also on June 13th; the Sumer Coder’s Social on June 20th.

How I Became Vegan

I recently joined the Vegan Freak forum and in order to be a full member there you are required to post an introduction stating why you are (or are very close to becoming) vegan. Here’s what I wrote (the intro bit about where I live and my hobbies has been left out).

It’s actually my practice of yoga and Zen that brought me to veganism. I had been a “vegetarian” for environmental reasons since 2005. I put “vegetarian” in quotes because I occasionally ate fish. I just couldn’t give up my sashimi and my tuna melts. That reasoning seems so silly to me now, but at the time I was ignorant about animal rights issues and wasn’t ready give up something that seemed important at the time. Even the form of “vegetarianism” that I practiced was quite a stretch for me at the time. I had a rather turbulent upbringing and it took me a while to recognize the inherent value of my own life, let alone the life of another non-human creature. In college I had a bumper sticker that said “I Eat Vegans.” It’sembarrassing to think about that now, but I think it’s important to recognize just how far I’ve come in my own journey. When I run into acquaintances who knew me back then, they are usually shocked that I am vegan.

A couple of years after becoming “vegetarian” I moved to Portland and met my current partner. She was already a vegan (for five+ years) and apractitioner of yoga and Zen. This was exciting and intriguing to me as I had been wanting to learn more about the two for some time, but didn’t quite know how to get started. I asked her lots of questions and we talked a lot about Zen and yoga. After a bit of time we started doing yoga together and I started sitting with her Zen group, which has now become my Zen group as well.

During this time, the meals we shared together were always vegan. My partner is a wonderful cook. The MacGuyver kind who can whip up amazing dinner when you think there aren’t any usable ingredients in the house. After a short while sharing these meals, it occurred me that a nutritious, healthful and delicious vegan diet was not only very possible but not difficult at all It simply required an extra bit of mindfulness and sometimes a bit more planning (e.g. to make sure you bring vegan food to an event that isunlikely to provide it).

For those who don’t know, both Zen and yoga have ethical guidelines. In Zen they are called “precepts” and in yoga they are called “yamas.” The first precept/yama is that of non-harm and non-killing. I have seen the precept worded as such:

“I will be mindful and reverential with all life, I will not be violent nor will I kill.”

And as a further directive:

“Avoid killing or harming any living being.
I undertake the precept to refrain from destroying living creatures.
I shall endeavor to protect and take care of all living creatures.
Do not do harm to other beings.”

So, with small foundation of these two practices under my belt, I started to realize that my version of vegetarianism simply wasn’t consistent with my values or my practice. I now knew that being vegan was possible and healthful, as I had been eating vegan 98% of the time for the last few months. I knew it was time to commit to being vegan. This was April of 2008. Now,veganism is an essential, inexorable part of my daily practice.

Since then I have been exploring the specific animal rights issues in more depth. I’ve been listening to VeganFreak Radio and acquiring and slowly reading through the seminal books on animal rights (Singer, Sustein, etc.). I’ve been reaching out to my Zen and tech communities (neither of which are vegan and both of which have vegan minorities) about vegan issues. I hope to growveganism within these communities. At times it is discouraging, but I do think change is possible.

Preparing to Take the Precepts

I’ll be taking the Five Grave Precepts this coming October. I worked up the nerve to ask my teacher Hogen this weekend (after a bit of prodding from Sherri). After asking why I would like to take the precepts and considering my response, Hogen said he’d be happy to give me the Precepts.

A bit of background is necessary here for non-Buddhist readers. The five grave precepts of Buddhism are as follows:

  1. I will be mindful and reverential with all life, I will not be violent nor will I kill.
  2. I will respect the property of others, I will not steal.
  3. I will be conscious and loving in my relationships, I will not give way to lust.
  4. I will honor honesty and truth, I will not deceive.
  5. I will exercise proper care of my body and mind, I will not be gluttonous nor abuse intoxicants.

During the Precepts Ceremony you state your intention to whole-heartedly abide by the above precepts. You do this publicly in front of your teacher, your parents (when they can be present) and the Sangha (Buddhist community). The Precepts Ceremony is a pretty big deal. It serves as one’s first major commitment to Buddhist spiritual and ethical practice. In addition, it’s the first step towards receiving and becoming part of the thousands-year-old Buddhist lineage. This is why it was necessary I ask permission to receive the precepts. They aren’t simply available for the taking. A teacher must evaluate his student and determine if he or she is ready to receive the precepts.

I should take the opportunity to distinguish the Five Precepts ceremony from that of Jukai. Jukai is the ceremony in which one receives the 16 Lay Precepts and formally becomes a Buddhist (complete with dharma name). The Jukai and Five Precepts ceremonies are very similar and often occur at the same time (in receiving Jukai you also re-take the Five Grave Precepts). But Jukai is more extensive and more significant. I’ll write more on this topic at another time (either when Sherri takes Jukai this fall, or when I’m closer to taking it myself).

Now that I have permission to receive the Precepts, I have a number of tasks to complete over the next six months. The first is to really study and sit with the Five Precepts. Part of this study includes writing a brief statement about what each precepts means to me. Another part of this study requirement is to participate in dicussion groups about the Five Precepts.

The next requirement is to hand sew my wagessa. A wagessa is a thin strip of fabric symbolizing the kesa. The kesa is the “bib”-like outer robe worn by Zen priests. Lay people who have taken Jukai wear something similar, called a Rakusu. Both the wagessa and kesa symbolize the original robs worn by Buddha. I will sew my wagessa and then turn it into my teachers who will present it to me during the Precept ceremony. Afterward, I’ll wear it during zazen and other Sangha functions.

And the final requirement is to attend a Beginner’s Mind Retreat at Great Vow Zen Monastery. A Beginner’s Mind retreat is a weekend retreat that serves as an introduction to Sesshin practice. A sesshin is a period of intense meditation that usually takes place over 5 to 10 days and includes 8 to 10 hours of zazen each day. Sesshin practice is essential to Zen Buddism. The idea behind sesshin is that it takes a signifcant amount of sustained, continuous meditation in order to quiet the mind sufficiently to experience deep awakeing. Sesshin also includes work practice, dharma talks, breath practice through chanting and is typically conducted in noble silence.

Taking the Precepts is not a requirement for studying Zen, having a skillful meditation practice or even participating in a Buddhist community. I could do all of those thing without taking the Precepts. So why am I doing it?

I’m taking the Precepts specifically to uphold, affirm and support my practice. In Buddhism, there is something called the Three Treasures: the Buddha, the Dharma and the Sangha. The Buddha is, of course, the original Buddha, but also represents that each of us has it within us to be a Buddha, to be an enlightened being free of suffering. The Dharma is the whole body of Buddhist teaching from the Buddha and subsquent great teachers. And the Sangha the community of practicing Buddhists. It’s essential to Buddhist practice to take refuge in, up hold and seek guidance in these three things.

Taking the precepts, for me, is a way of taking refuge in these three treasures. By taking the precepts I’m taking refuge in and showing respect for the all three of the treasures. For the Buddha by recognizing my own buddha nature and attempting to obide by the ethical guidelines inherent in this nature. For the Dharma by recognizing the dignity and being humbled by the tremendous lineage and teachers offered to me during the ceremony. And to the Sangha by publicly stating to my own Sangha that I will be an ethical member of that community.

In short, I see taking the precepts as an essential next step in my spiritual development.

I’ll keep writing here about my process in working with the Five Grave Precepts and my experiences with the Beginner’s Mind retreat (which should happen mid-June, just before my 29th birthday).

Deciding to Work with My Inner Critic

I was talking with my mom this weekend about how I feel a great amount of anxiety after leading a group or even just socializing in a group setting. In these situations I don’t feel any anxiety at the time, while I’m with the group. Things are usually going well and I’m usually having a good time. The anxiety comes later, after I’ve returned home and usually when I’m settling down to sleep.

It’s during this quiet time that my inner critic starts to shout: “What have you done? You’ve given too much of yourself away.” Then a feeling of dread flows down my body and tightens in my stomach. It feels awful and makes it difficult to fall asleep. Recently I’ve been able to cope with these feelings rather well, at least compared to how I handled such anxiety in years past. I’ve become more adept at focusing on my body and noticing where it feels tension. I breathe and follow that breath in and out of my body. Eventually I’m able to fall sleep.

But I’d like to find the source of these feelings and eliminate them, or at least learn how to work with them better. I’d like to feel confident of the value I bring to a group and not feel anxious just being me and being fully present.

What really surprised me in talking with my mother about my experience is when she said she experienced something similar in the first years after she left my father. She described some of the thoughts that would come to her mind and I realized they were the same thoughts that my inner critic speaks to me. Things all along the lines of “don’t reveal too much about yourself” and “don’t tell anybody anything they don’t absolutely need to know.”

I shuddered a bit. These are all the words of my father, who drilled into us at every opportunity that we should keep our cards close to chest, never let anybody in, never foster community, etc. My father is not a well man. He fits the profile of an individual with Anti-Social Personality Disorder. He feared healthy socialization and actively dissuaded us from it and sometimes punished us for it.

So it’s no wonder that I experience anxiety when around social groups. I was already aware that I have a strong inner critic. What I realized in talking with my mother is the extent to which I often don’t perceive the presence of my inner critic. It’s more pervasive than I thought. For example, I know that I often get headaches. But yet, there will be days where I suddenly realize I’ve had a headache for the past several hours. The pain, for whatever reason, in these cases becomes a kind of background noise, casuing suffering yet going undetected.

So I’ve decided I’d like to get better at detecting and then working with my inner critic. I want to realize sooner when it’s giving me a headache.

My Zen Community runs a weekend workshop at least once a year, if not twice, on working with the inner critic. I have known about the workshop for sometime, but have found one excuse or another for not attending. One happens to be coming up and after this week’s conversation with my mother, I registered for it.

The retreat is in about six weeks. I’m both looking forward to it and not. I’m excited about learning some new tools to healing this aspect of myself. I also am anxious about staying at the monastery for the first time and about having to reveal and be present as myself in front of a group. All in all, I think it will be a good experience.

I’ll be sure to post here about my expereinces after the workshop.

The Evening News

I’m very thankful to not be a famous person. I’m able to move about with relative anonymity. The messy details of my personal life, with all its mistakes and wonders are private and I’m able to share them by choice. I can’t imagine the kind of pressure it creates for those who do not have this choice.

There is a notable exception to this, however. It’s the news coverage of my father’s murder-for-hire plot, his subsequent arrest and resulting prison sentence. News of his arrest appeared in the local Sacramento newspaper and the evening news. Some months later, after his sentencing, the evening news in the Bay Area, where I was living at the time, did an extended story, complete with undercover video footage that I hadn’t previously known even existed.

When I first found out about the story I was very angry. I felt violated. Here they were broadcasting footage of our family’s shop (part of the undercover footage; my father had conversations with the under cover “hitman” there). Once my initial anger subsided I realized that they were trying to make a decent point: that crimes of the sort my father committed (solicitation of murder) do not carry a strong enough penalty in California. So I was left with just a strangeness and an uneasiness. I haven’t watched the video in a while. I used to watch it when I would find myself missing or otherwise thinking about my father. It’s actually the most recent thing I have connecting me to him, as strange as that sounds. I can’t recall the last conversation we had. It was probably some time in 2000, at the latest. I did go to his arraignment, but we did not speak. It is so very odd to see your father in an orange prison jumpber and shakles.

Last week it came to my attenion that the local evening news in Sacramento had run another story about my father. It’s shorter than the previous news segment, but nevertheless unnerved me in the same way. I can’t quite figure out why such a piece of information is news worthy. Over the years I’ve tried to distance myself (both figuratively and litterally) from the chaos and violence that my father brought upon me and the rest of my family. But yet I can’t escape it entirely, because at any time some tv news station might decide to do another story on it. Or I’ll have a flashback. Or a memory will resurface. Or someone will issue a turn of phase in a stern voice and it will remind me of my father, and of being a frightened child.

When I watched the most recent news clip, I found myself asking the same set of “why” and “how” questions. How could my parent do something so wicked, so contrary to life as to want my other parent murdered? Why does a tv news reported get an opportunity to speak to my father when I do not? The list goes on and on.

What I’m realizing it that I’m never going to know the answers to those questions. They are unanserable. And in actually, I’m asking those questions as a way to re-invent the past, to change what cannot be changed. Asking those questions keeps me out of the present moment.

So wait I’m going to from now on when those questions start spinning around in my head is sit and focus on my body. I’ll concentrate on how it’s feeling in the present moment. I’ll follow my breath. I’ll notice any spots of tension. I’ll notice what kinds of feelings come up. And I’ll stop trying to answer those unanswerable questions.

A Shossan

Last night at the Dharma center, as part of our Ango, our teacher held a Shossan. A shossan is a like sanzen (private interview with the teacher), except that it is it conducted in front of the entire sangha. Those who wanted to participate, lined up and each asked our teacher a question.

Some questions produced simple answers, and some questions became a brief dialog between teacher and student. For example, some asked “How can I become more generous?” and our teacher answered simply, “Give.” The sangha chuckled at this. Our teacher followed up his answer by reminding us that we have many things to give. Our clear presence, for example. Not every gift has to be matarial in nature. And, in fact, the best gifts often aren’t.

Another person, who is the teen-aged son of one of our members asked what is meant by the idea in Buddhism that there is no self. Teacher proceeded to ask the young man who he was. The young man hesitated, clearly not knowing how to answer. The teacher asked him a prompting question: “what is your name?” The young man responded, and then offered a few additional biographical details. The teacher then pointed out that all those facts: name, age, grade-level, are all impermanent. That all the ideas we have about what makes the self are changeable, fluid. He liked it to a wave in the ocean. The wave isn’t a thing all by itself, it’s what we call the effect of energy upon water to create motion.

I found the shossan tremendously moving. I was honored that my fellow practitioners were willing to share their practice so openly. And I was moved by the words of my teacher.

I have not been practicing Zen for very long. I first sat with my sangha in April when my beloved took the Five Precepts and then started sitting regularly around mid-June.  But I didn’t get it then. Only now, I think, am I just starting to understand the depth of what it is to practice in a community. The supportive energy is amazing. I can feel its benefit in nearly every aspect of my life and it only encourages me to further my practice.

My Ango Commitment

About a week ago my sangha entered what’s known as Ango. Ango translates to “peaceful dwelling” and is a period of intensified practice. It is an old tradition that was practiced during the time of Shakyamuni Buddha. Monks would come together during the monsoon season to deepen and intensive their practice. Our Ango is six weeks long and begins during the start of Portland’s rainy season (or, I should say, Portland’s more-rainy season).

Members who wanted to participate in Ango each completed an Ango commitment form. Basically this was a sheet of paper on which had different ideas of how one could intensify her practice and space to elucidate how you would intensify your practice. Participants turned in these forms for review by the teacher. During the Ango opening ceremony our shusso (head of zendo) read the names of all those participating in Ango.

My Ango commitment is the following:

  • start a daily sitting practice
  • attend a sanzen
  • maintain mindfulness practice, specifically when exercising and with regard to the cleanliness of my apartment
  • read The Heart of Being, John Daido Loori’s book about the precepts.
  • start a daily writing practice

So far I’ve been doing fairly well. I’ve sat nearly daily. I attended my first sanzen. I’ve been working on being mindful when exercising (not listening to music, watching tv), and have been keeping the apartment fairly tidy. I’ve had the most trouble, however, with establishing a daily writing practice. For the most part I have things to write about, but I’ll feel tired or worn out or simply want to do something else.