Category: Quick Thought

Just a quick thought.

On not reinventing the pencil every time you want to send a message…

I’m currently reading Sister Outsider: Essays and Speeches (Crossing Press Feminist Series), by Audre Lorde. There are a number of good quotes in the collection, but this one struck me in particular last night:

As a Black woman, I find it necessary to withdraw into all-Black groups at times for exactly the same reasons — differences in stages of development and differences in levels of interaction. Frequently, when speaking with men and white women, I am reminded of how difficult and time-consuming it is to have to reinvent the pencil every time you want to send a message.

I run a group for women who work in technology. The group isn’t a women-only space, but we ask that men come as the guest of a woman attendee. This ensures that the gender balance is always in favor of the women. We get occasional flak for this rule and I find it difficult to explain while women’s spaces are important.

I think the idea of not wanting to reinvent the pencil everytime you want to send a message applies as equally to women’s spaces as it does to those of other opressed groups.

So, now I have a more useful metaphor when someone asks me why we but restrictions on the gender attendance of our group.

Working with the Five Rememberances

Over the last several months, I’ve been dealing with persistent illness. What started as a bad cold in early March evolved into bronchitis and then a severe sinus infection. Finally, after two rounds of antibiotics along with a consistent regiment of medication to manage post-nasal drip, I’m starting to feel more like myself. I have my energy back and it feels great.

What I’m reflecting on now is how difficult it is to cope with illness. I can handle being sick a day or two here and there. I don’t like it, but I can usually recognize my need to rest and follow suit. However, anything longer than that and I start to go nuts. I feel guilty for being sick (I should have taken better care of myself). I feel anxious (I’m not going to be able to bill the number of hours I wanted to this month). I feel lousy (because my body is fighting an infection and/or virus). I feel scared (what if I never get better and it’s like this all the time?). In fact, I’m feeling a bit anxious just writing about this.

Lately I’ve found some relief from these anxieties by reflecting upon the Five Remembrances, which are written about in the Upajjhatthana Sutra. The Five Remembrances are:

I am of the nature to grow old; there is no way to escape growing old.

I am of the nature to have ill health; there is no way to escape having ill health.

I am of the nature to die; there is no way to escape death.

All that is dear to me and everyone I love are of the nature of change; there is no way to escape being separated from them.

My deeds are my closest companions; I am the beneficiary of my deeds. My deeds are the ground on which I stand.

Buddha said that we should reflect upon these facts regularly. It may seem depressing to remind yourself that you are of the nature to “grow old,” “have ill health,” and “die,” let alone that you’ll inevitably be separated from all that you love. However, I find great freedom in these words. It’s true — I can’t escape growing old, becoming ill, dying and loosing all that I care about. Reminding myself that these things are inescapable is normalizing. It removes some of the guilt, attachment and anxiety I feel around them. Decay is just as much as part of the universe as is growth and it’s progress continues regardless of my involvement.

Moreover, the Five Remembrances reinforce the importance of living an ethical life by reminding me that “my deeds are the ground on which I stand.”

First Tattoo

I finally went and did it — I got a tattoo.

For a handful of years now I’ve been considering a tattoo. But I never quite worked up the gumption to go and have one done. When ever I thought about a needle puncturing my skin over and over again I’d cringe and put the idea off for another day.

However, earlier this week Scapegoat tattoo announced they were doing a fundraiser for the Let Live conference: $30 flash tattoos, all with vegan themes. Sherri re-tweeted the announcement and I didn’t give it much thought at first. While we were planning our day over breakfast on Saturday, Sherri reminded me of the fundraiser and it suddenly hit me that I was ready. It was for a good cause and, I thought, a good way to honor and celebrate Atari’s life as well as my commitment to veganism.

So off we headed to Scapegoat, with a quick errand before hand. It turns out we were lucky to only have a quick errand before stopping by Scapegoat. We were the last ones to be accepted on the list. And, as it was, we didn’t start getting our tattoos until at least 9:45pm. John, the tattoo artist was wonderful. He didn’t bat an eye when I nearly chickened out and talked me through the whole process. It actually hurt less than I’d imagined in my mind. My friend Amy said it was similar to someone poking you over and over again with the tip of a sharp mechanical pencil. I think that’s pretty accurate, though some spots definitely hurt more than others. And don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t want to endure that feeling longer than necessary. But it was manageable. Towards the end, I started to feel a bit faint, but I think more due to nerves than anything else.

Here it is:

Vegan Heart

A few more photos, including of Sherri’s tattoos are on the flickr set here.

Amazing Rally for Sam Adams

Signs of support at Sam Adams Rally

I’m exhausted after a long, full day, but want to post my thoughts about tonight’s rally while they are fresh.

Sherri and I arrived at City Hall just after 5pm. Already there were already at least a hundred people and lots of folks from the media. Many supports held signs of support. The text ranged from “I am with Sam,” to “City Issues, not Bedroom Issues.” One many was covered in green body paint and adorned like the Statue of Liberty. His sign said “Freedom is Dying.”

By 5:30pm the crowd had swelled significantly. We were near the “front” of the rally, where the stage was set up, so it was difficult to discern the number of people in attendance, but it looked to be several hundred. The MC listed serveral of the issues that Portlanders want Sam Adams to work on during his first 100 days and beyond: economic stimulous and recovery, building bike lanes, and more snowplows! Actually there were more issues he listed, I just can’t recall them now. Then different business and community leaders each took the mic and declared their support for Sam Adams.

Next a first-amendment attorney took the stage a made note of some of the legal issues. The two that are come to mind most prominently are that Sam Adams was not under oath when he lied and that Beau Breedlove was not working for Adams. He mentioned this specifically in contrast to the Clinton-Lewinsky issue and noted that we should be be holding our city mayors to a higher standard that we hold a president.

Next Dan Savage took the state. He said he came down from Seattle to help swell the numbers and didn’t expect to speak. Clearly, he said looking out onto the crowd, his presence was not required to swell the numbers. He continued on, talking about “the bullshit campaign by the media” and how the media makes assumptions about our sophistication and our ability to handle the idea of our public leaders having private lives and messy relationships. He too recalled the Clinton-Lewinsky debacle and pointed out how much public support Clinton has today.

A statement from Gus Van Sant, who could not attend, was also read. Several times thoughout the rally the crowd cheered “get back to work!”

It was truly amazing. I feel a lot better about the situation and more hopeful that Sam Adams will decide to stay on as Mayor and that our city can move forward together on more productive issues.

After the rally was done I managed to say hi to Dan Savage and even got a photo, which was pretty cool.

Christie with Dan Savage

Tomorrow I am going to write to the Oregonian, JustOut, the Portland Business Journal, the Willamette Week, as well as the city commissioners to state my support for Adams. I will post those letters here.

Here’s a video of Dan Savage talking:

This blog has more information about Support for Sam Adams:
http://samisstillmymayor.blogspot.com/.

Returning to Practice

All last week I was in Sacramento to spend the Thanksgiving holiday with my family. I typically look forward to this time of year. It’s one of the only times where my brothers and I are all in one location. We’re able to catch up with one another and just enjoy each other’s company. We break out our old Magic the Gathering cards and much merriment is had.

This last visit, however, was a bit rough. I worked really hard the previous week in order to catch up on enough work so that I wouldn’t have to do any work, or very little, while in Sacramento. In doing so, I managed to become fatigued enough to catch a cold. So I arrived in Sacramento already feeling run down and having missed at least one of my regular yoga classes.

Despite packing my zafu and chant book, I neglected to sit the entire time I was in Sacramento. Not feeling well combined with the absence of the usual containers of routine and community all contributed to this. But ultimately I just did not feel like it and gave into this feeling.

Instead I watched movies, socialized, cooked, ate a few too many chocolate chip cookies, you know, the usual family holiday activities.

However, as the week went on, I felt myself become more stressed out and I continued to wait for an energy to magically return. It never did. I felt tired, fat and not very good about myself. I arrived back in Portland feeling just awful.

But starting on Monday, I was able to turn these feelings around. I made myself sit nearly everyday this week. I’ve returned (albeit gradually) to my exercise routine. I missed my mid-week yoga class to spend time with Sherri, but plan to go to yoga tomorrow. And, this evening as I settled in to my cushion and heard the bell ring for the start of the first meditation period, I could feel my mind settle and could feel my energy level rising. I felt present again. Whole. Energetic. Worthwhile.

I’m writing this as a reminder to myself: Always return to practice. It doesn’t matter what I did yesterday, or what I will do tomorrow. Only the present moment matters and it’s always available, should we choose to be in it.

The Vitality of the Precepts

Lately I have been thinking about the precepts: Why I am so drawn to them and why do I strive to incorporate them into every aspect of my life?

While reading earlier today, I found my answer:

The precepts have a vitality different from any ethical teachings I have encountered in the great religions of the world. They are alive. They are not fixed. They are not a list of do’s and don’ts. They function broadly and deeply. They are based on interpenetration, co-origination, and the interdependance of all aspects of the universe. — John Daido Loori, from The Heart of Being: Moral and Ethical Teachings of Zen Buddism.